Styru TowersDear Wetherspoons,
I find myself compelled to write to complain about a recent trip to one of your fine establishments undertaken by myself, and other members of our little '28dayslater Bible Study Class'
We chose your fine hostelry for its reputation for quietness, refinement, and quality.
Indeed, we marveled at the wonderful architecture and decor, I confess that I could hardly bring myself not to stare at the gorgeous neo-classical dome.
At one particularly rousing, passion-filled, and deeply meaningful moment within our Bible reading I implored my fellow worshippers to turn their gaze skyward to see the Good Lords glory.
Sadly, however, all we saw were Mr @Bigjobs grinning face, Satanic buttocks, and what I (as a celibate follower of our Lord, who always undresses in the dark, and wears gloves for fear of touching himself) can only presume were his twin 'sinner-spheres' and 'trouser-snake'!
Since this traumatic event I have been unable to wipe this ungodly vision from my mind, little Sarah can only sleep with the lights on, and I gather young Lora has developed a nervous twitch.
I find this a wholly unacceptable situation, and look forward to a refund on my all day brunch, and non-alcoholic Chardonnay!
Yours in God, Mr S.Tryu